I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
