I just cut my nipple shaving
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
