I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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