He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
