It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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