If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
