I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
its liver damage thursday
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
