Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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