U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
