yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
