please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
