That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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