Your face is a jimmy john
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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