just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
