i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
