The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
