If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
