Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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