She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
