well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
