she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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