HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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