My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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