I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
