She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
