I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
