I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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