He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
