well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
