Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
