My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
