im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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