why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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