Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
