note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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