In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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