Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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