we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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