HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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