if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Text me some of your sweat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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