This girl is more easily done than said...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
