Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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