If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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