I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
