Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
