I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
