I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
