My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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