that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize