hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
