Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize