I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
