i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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