Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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