So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dear god my vagina.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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