Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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