Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
