Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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