You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize