someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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