wrigley field is MILF paradise
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
