So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
