Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
