I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
