life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
