hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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