Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
