It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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