it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
