Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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