I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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