She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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