3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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