Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
