i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
